Aging – Frisky Ripples

Some of my earliest memories are fuzzy yet profound…me waking in the morning and “getting to see dad”, post trip. We (my sister and I who were inseparable) couldn’t bug him before he woke, and he’d been gone for some amount of time (I was younger than 5 years so time was mostly irrelevant–it seemed “long”). But the first morning was always magical because that’s when we’d receive the “loot” from his travels. I remember a beautiful fan from Japan adorned with a painting of Mt Fuji and a coveted cloth doll from the Carribean–black fabric with a bright head scarf and huge gold hoop earrings. SO exotic, especially for me and my sister who never got presents except for birthday and holidays (this isn’t a “we walked ten miles in the snow both ways” comment…that’s just how things were). And after we got our gifts he would share stories. Fascinating and other-worldly, since again, we grew up differently. We DIDN’T travel all over as a family like so many kids I see these days. It was a quaint little life in unnoteworthy Salem Oregon. Big trips consisted of many visits to our family in Puget Sound area, or out to the Oregon coast (which is awesome).

But this. This was stuff out of the movies. Volcanoes and deep-sea diving, dancing and music, jungles and experiences that only someone like my dad–capable, adventurous, and a splash of rule-bending–could recount. *Note here, when I say rule-bending I mean ignoring signs like “Do not go beyond this sign” or “Danger”, not law-breaking. He was specifically moral in that sense.

It was exhilarating and it’s because of these memories of such tales, that both my sister and I have an inner wanderlust that is so fundamental to our being. Over time, I’ve realized I travel for NEW experiences. I’ll return to a location almost never, unless it’s for work. Or in this circumstance, to bring dad back.

My dad passed away with Alzheimer’s about four years ago. He battled it for quite a while–11 years which is far longer than average. The most heart-wrenching aspect of this horrible disease is that it steals the very essence of who the victim is. My mom says dad “faded away” which is true, and a very benign description of what actually happened. We didn’t have a memorial for dad and we blame Covid, but the truth is that none of us could really grasp it. My sister and I vowed to bring his ashes with us on travels but it wasn’t until now that we were/are ready. And we are. In a fun way, which is what dad would have wanted. I have a small, non-script jar and one of my favorite photos of my dad. We bring him with us unceremoniously in my back pack (I have it sitting next to me on the table as I write). We’ve shed no tears. In fact, I say “common dad, we’re going for a hike”. Again, this is how dad would have wanted things.

Beth and I chose this trip to begin memorializing him, because my dad came here for years to dive and fish with a group of close friends who called themselves the “Brothers of the Baja”. Now looking back as a 40+ human myself, I realize he was young and in the prime of his life…which lends toward some of the stories we heard (not the least of which involving tequila and why he never drank it again even before he quit drinking altogether) **. I recall him describing marlin fishing…also when he quit fishing altogether. Dad told us that they were observing the gorgeous marlin–stunning in color, up until the moment it was fished and died at which time it turned gray. That was the last time he ever fished.

This is my second trip to Baja and in the time spent here I have seen marine life to rival no other. Having lived in Maui for three years when it was still pretty undeveloped, I’ve seen some really cool stuff…beautiful sea creatures! But here in Baja, I have swam, snorkeled and sup’ed seeing sooo many amazing things just out the back door (literally–it’s about 30 steps down to the water). It’s really quite mind-blowing!! I can only imagine back then it was even more prolific.

So with all that said, we made the decision for this to be the first of many trips to take dad. We’ve already found a couple great places to free his ashes and there will be more. Welcome back dad. Welcome back.

**Dad quit drinking alcohol entirely when I was in my teens with one glaring exception. He was hiking in the jungles of Borneo the year after it reopened to American citizens. They hiked into a location inhabited by a tribe who believed that my dad and his traveling buddy Sam, were semi-deities. They hosted a dinner for the two of them and offered a ceremonial drink to them, in honor of the “friendship”. He clearly didn’t refuse.

Around Oregon, the shift from summer this year, was almost immediate–like a flick of the switch, with basically no fall, straight into winter. The sunny days in a tank top, pulling weeds and raking leaves at the homestead went quickly into Willamette Valley weather…rain and wind. Let’s be clear…I’m not complaining (Yet. I am not a fan of WV winters of endless rain). Right now, however, with a fire crackling making it toasty warm, having just finished a lunch of hot soup, I feel so cozy there should be a Hallmark Movie logo stamped on my…mmmmm…forehead. Bring on the rain!

Am I going to spend every day lounging around the house? Naaah. That’s not my style. I’ve been known to run wearing ski goggles and full rain gear when we’re getting torrential downpour, on iced-over, heavily tracked, uneven snow pack. Not badass, just motivated...and maybe a little crazy. Sitting still for too long is not my strong suit.

This year has been a metaphorical “change of seasons” for me too. Pre-Covid, I’d typically be traveling somewhere for several weeks in the fall, enjoying a break after a busy summer– going paddling, biking, hiking, whether in Bend or on the road. Later, after the holidays I’d head somewhere south where it’s warmer, either leading a retreat or having fun for myself (“research” for the next potential location!). However, as I evolve my living and working situations, I’ve found a lot of pleasure in flexing my “domestic muscles” and expanding my little wellness-facilitating biz. Seems the perfect time to do it eh? Because everywhere I look it appears people are shaking things up in their lives. The pandemic had some horrible consequences for many. It dislodged the status quo for people with all kinds of outcomes. Break-ups, pregnancies, people leaving long-time jobs, starting different careers, or taking a new outlook on their health. Whatever the case, it’s definitely a time of transitions.

Change is really hard for many… I’d say most even. What seems to hold true from my point of view, is that you are in control of the change if you are proactive in it. When change “happens” to you, it’s quite the opposite. Like rapids on a river, if you are faster than the current, you are in control of your craft, but if the current is faster than you, it’s in control. One significant example is the aging population. Some choose to take control of their health and living situation, maximizing the chances of enjoying a relatively active and independent lifestyle. It can involve some tough decisions and/or discipline, but with a “can do” mindset, the outcome is seemingly positive. Others fight (or ignore) the realities of aging, and it doesn’t always go well, for themselves or their loved ones. I’ve worked with seniors over half my life and witnessed friends and family-members’ various approaches to this inevitable part of life. I can only hope I am reasonable in my decision-making when it comes time, but I have some great role models to learn from!!

My sister’s “Outlaws”…a term we lovingly say based on her 20-year relationship, have been incredibly logical about their golden years. The plan had been set, down payment made, and finally executed to move into an amazing retirement village several months ago. They researched and compared many options, and the community they ultimately chose is RAD! From libraries to craft centers, incredible restaurants and overall approach, this retirement village is very forward-thinking. I believe their motto is something like “let us help you take care of yourself”. I prescribe to that concept.

Another example…and I know he will read this…is a gentleman I’ve been fitness coaching for about 10 months and paddleboard-instructing for years. He is regimented about his personal wellness (exercise, diet and health care). Like many aging bodies, he’s had knee surgery and has hip issues. Won’t we all? Best to mitigate some of the pain and inevitable decline we’ll each experience, yes? I give him props for being so determined. One might even say tenacious, and I say, “Way to go”!

This all gives me food for thought. How can I set myself up for personal success and fulfilment over time? I can’t give you my full answer today, but what I can say is that I’m going to stay active, do those things that feed my soul and make course-corrections as necessary. Thanks for listening…hope to see you out there on the frisky ripples…of life.